Duck, Duck, Unemployed

Since it's nearing a month since my last post, I figure I'd give it a go before I head off to the gym. As my title suggests, I am indeed unemployed again. Yes, I know it's been three months since I graduated. Yes, I know that doesn't make any logical sense. However, my life is always ridiculous (like Napoleon Dynamite/Juno ridiculous) so here I am...unemployed...and in Carmel. It's true that I've only been in this state for about a week now, but I've already decided that, since I never got a real summer vacation this year, mine is now (albeit a few months late).

How I'm Spending My Fall Vacation
1) Laying Out
I know, i know, no one is surprised by this activity hitting the top of my list, but I figured I'd include it since it indicates the amazing, if not pathetically desperate, attempts I will take just to get a little sun. It's September. It's usually around 60 degrees in the morning. Yet I lay out daily like a little solider of sunshine. I'm pretty sure my neighbors all hate me because, due to the whole "I Live in an Apartment" situation, I am forced to lay out in the parking lot. Shame...

2) Movie Watching
Spike and I have probably seen more movies since we've graduated than we did through my entire four years of college. I guess a little extra freetime can really make sitting through a three hour movie and 15 min. of previews that much more appetizing. So far I've seen: The Wackness, Tropic Thunder, Step Brothers, The Rape of Europa, Mamma Mia, Sex & the City and Hamlet 2. I must say that Hamlet 2 is my favorite by far. I wasn't as excited about it as some of the others, but it was really great. For any musical lover/ lover of desecrating religious symbols, this is a jackpot movie. To give you an idea of how good it is, one of the songs is titled, "Rape in the Face." Another is titled, "Rock Me Sexy Jesus." I'll give you a moment to gasp in awe and amazement.

3) Becoming a Gym Rat
I know this seems surprising, if not tragic, but my life has been a hilarious mix of both lately, so it only makes sense that I would take on a new, intriguing interest in my life such as working out. The sad part about it is that I go about 5 times a week. This means that I see just about everyone else that comes in frequently. So the other day when an unmentionable DePauw alum told Liz that she was "in the Carmel gym all the time," I was able to tell Liz that, in fact, this alum was totally lying. Unless she works out at 5 am when the gym opens, she couldn't really escape my MK & Ashley detective skills. Luckily, the people-watching I do in the gym is both incredibly guiltless and productive, since I'm burning more calories doing that then spending a similar amount of time on Perez Hilton. I love seeing the high school couple who comes into the gym and holds hands while walking on treadmills. I love seeing the 86 year old woman pedaling away on a recumbent bike in mid-calf khaki shorts and hiking boots. But I love, more than anything, "guy who does not understand appropriate workout beverages." This guy has been seen, on any given day, drinking a 12 0z. bottle of Dr. Pepper, a "Milk Jug" of chocolate milk, or a can of Country Time Lemonade. I am fully expecting to see this guy lifting weights with a Michelob ultra next to him anytime soon. I mean, he's the kind of guy they're marketing to, right?

That's about all I've done with my unemployment so far. Well...that and applying for jobs/going to interviews. But those are about the two most boring things ever when in competition with the other fascinating things I've been keeping myself busy with. I think anyone would agree with that assumption.

Reasons I Have Completely Lost Faith in the Human Race

1- I saw a girl chewing bubblegum on the treadmill today at the gym. I call it bubblegum not because I'm in 2nd grade and refuse to acknowledge chewing gum as the "adult" name, but because this girl proceeded to blow about 10 f'in bubbles in a row as she "powerwalked." My outrage combined with the amounts of sweat I was pouring out while legitamately using the treadmill next to her was fueled by every innocent bubble she popped. I kept waiting for a trainer or some type of gym employee to kick her out, but her moment of reckoning never came.

2- As of today, Tuesday, August 19th, 2008, the number two most popular song from the Electronic section of iTunes is "Starry Eyed Surprise" by Oakenfold. You might remember this song from an 8th grade dance you attended or a commercial for Diet Coke that was insanely overplayed about four years ago... Granted, Electronica isn't nearly as popular as other genres, but couldn't the most popular songs be at least a LITTLE more recent?

3- You'd think there would be more evidence to the aforementioned rant, but there really isn't. For some reason, the girl blowing bubbles at the gym combined with the sad musical taste of the iTunes-purchasing public was truly all it took for me to lose faith in humanity. Eh, what can you do?

Call Me a Cynic

So last week, during a dinner out in Indy, I stopped into a Trader Joe's to get some delicious, preservative-free goodies. I stocked up on iced tea, snacks and even microwavable macaroni & cheese that doesn't look completely goopy and processed like its Kraft counterpart. Once I came home, I felt really good about my decision. Not only was I now putting healthy, delicious food into my body, but it came from a good source. So I got all environmentally-friendly and decided to do a little more research. Sure, I know that styrofoam is bad and so are plastic shopping bags, but what else is there to do?

Well, I researched reducing my carbon footprint and TONS of websites came up. Great news, right? Wrong. Every single website touted itself as the premier site for reducing your carbon footprint. "It's so easy! Let us help you calculate it!" So I did. Got a number. And what did they want me to do to offset this "carbon footprint?" Pay them $224! hahahaha I mean, seriously? I understand that helping the environment is going to take lots of large-scale, structural changes, but my hard-earned hundreds of dollars? Please! They also said you could purchase a ticket that would offset your driving for a whole year! Whoopee! It just seems so shady to me. Sure they vaguely tell you that the money will go to wind-harvesting plants or ecofriendly something-or-others, but for $200 I'm going to need a little more reassurance than "This'll go for a good cause." I think we've all been duped by that one before.

In conclusion, I just cannot believe how ridiculous America is when it comes to solving these huge issues. Is the only feasible option to make me pay hundreds of dollars out of pocket to some website that says its for a greener lifestyle? Should it make me feel any better about driving or turning up the A/C because I bought some certificate for carbon credits? In the meantime, I think I'll continue to spend my money on my organic mac'n cheese.

New Music Tuesdays

In honor of Nelly's "Sweat/Suit," I have decided to compose my own list of half sweet, new dance hits "Sweat," and half relaxing, rainy day "Suit" songs. Get ready. It should all be very exciting and hip.
SWEAT
Shake Your Pom Pom by Missy Elliot
- This song just came out on the Step Up 2 soundtrack and, in addition to endless hilarious plays on words about what your "pom poms" could be, its another one of those Missy songs where the beat combined with her sick rapping skills is just infectious as hell.

Got No Shorty by Sean Kingston
- I'm typically not a huge fan of "Mr." Kingston's work, but this song is a clever play on that old '80s song by Bob Seger, "Ain't Got No Money." He raps faster than Twista and the hook is great.

Knock Knock by Lyrics Born
- Now this song is far from new, but definitely a great choice. Lyrics Born songs are classic commercial songs, like "Callin' Out," so I felt the need to spread the word that his songs are also nice outside of Honda ads.

Jane Fonda by Mickey Avalon
- Bisexual, transvestite prostitute/druggie/musical genius...doesn't seem to add up, does it? But Mickey Avalon is one of the craziest rappers on the scene. While his style is unique, his rhymes have an extra burst of humor that really distinguish him from the pack...you know, just in case his biography doesn't.

SUIT
Miss Magnolia by Matt Costa
- If you've ever flipped on a oldies station on the first weekend of summer, you've probably heard "In the Summertime," by Mungo Jerry. While you may not have known the artist's name until now, the upbeat, light tempo and lyrics of this song are intoxicating which is why Matt Costa's song mirrors Mungo Jerry's hit without exact replication. Listen to this song in a lawnchair with a lemonade in hand.

Summer's Gone by Aberfeldy
- When I first saw Juno, I was praying for a song like this to come along and save the movie's soundtrack. Unfortunately, they passed on the song, but you don't have to. This song makes me want to ride my bike with the banana seat.

Lullaby by Loudon Wainwright III
- From the critically-acclaimed movie, "The Squid & the Whale," this song has the tune of a children's bedtime hymn and the lyrics of something written on a bathroom stall. The mix is just crazy enough to work and his voice is silky smooth.

Black Sheep by John C. Reilly
- Yes, this song is a parody song from "Walk Hard." Yes, I understand its supposed to be a hilarious play on songs of the early '70s. Sadly, I have fallen in love with it and listen to it on repeat. I love John C. Reilly's voice.

That's my take on SWEAT/SUIT. Kind of goofy, but with all of the crazy, hodge podge weather we've been having, there's not too much to do but sit at home and download songs from iTunes. There's a tornado watch tonight though so who knows? Maybe I'll be back next week with a whole new selection!

I Must Be Getting Pretty Old...

After a whole year and a half of blogging cessation, here I am. To give you an example of how old this makes me feel, when I tried logging into my blog, I had to change my blogging name AND password because they switched formats or something in August of 2006. What a bummer. At least my URL is still stephanieyo.blogspot.com. AKA the most gangsta name ever. Speaking of gang-related activity, being in Evansville has truly upped my street cred. Since I live on the East Side, I feel the need to associate my lifestyle more with the ESGs (East Side Gangstas, to those out of the loop) and have been really upping the ante on my rap knowledge. Best rap song right now? "Pork and Beef" by The Coup. It's a song in SuperBad that, while amazing, did not show up on the soundtrack. I had to track it down myself online while painstakingly typing in lyrics to find a match. It's a rough life out there. But the song rocks and so do I, especially when I'm dancing to it.
In other news, the only downside of spending parts of Winter Term at home is that my mom uses the time to constantly remind me of my impending graduation and sequential unemployment opportunities. Then, after I calmly explain that not very many of my friends have even sent out resumes yet, she gives me her idea of useful advice by offering to help me pay for an apartment in STONEHENGE and "I'm sure you could get your job back at the Loft if you pleaded." For those out of the 812 area code, Stonehenge apartments are a couple of blocks behind Washington Square Mall and were built in the late '60s when apparently old, British castles were a huge selling point. Living up to their name, these apartments are built in the style of castles, with a rounded room on the end of every unit. They are old. They are trashy. And I'm sure a few of them have meth labs in the works. So thanks, Mom, for suggesting that my near future is full of bright opportunities to flex my many talents with a low-paying job at a mall and an apartment that doubles as a drugstore.
When I'm not worrying about where I'll end up after I graduate, I've been relegated to puppy sitter for Maggie (6 month old 1/2 Border terrier, 1/2 Yorkie) which really reminds me why I will gladly wait at least 10 years to begin popping out kids. When you spend your entire day with something that eats its own poop, you tend to lose a little respect for yourself.My mom keeps suggesting that we see Juno, but I've already seen it with Spike and personally, I thought it was good but not fantastic enough to see again. It was a likable-enough story, but I didn't dig the post-Napoleon Dynamite effect that it had or the unending, loud "I'm 13 and love cutting myself at night" soundtrack. I mean, I love Belle & Sebastian, but the songs in the movie just weren't right. And if the soundtrack doesn't sell me, I'm hard pressed to find reasons to see it again. That Kimya Dawson just has to go. I'm over it.

"Don't Look Now...but That Sign Says Waffle Hose."

I just got back from Gulf Shores and approx. 15 hours in a car and boy, am I tired! Do I sleep? Please, clearly blogging is just so much more important.
I made a few revelations in Gulf Shores, AL, one being that I do not particularly enjoy the beach. This may come as a surprising statement, but take a few deep, relaxing breaths and let me explain. First of all, I love the IDEA of a beach. The sound of the ocean waves crashing against a sandswept shore, the vision of a few lazy seagulls gliding across a sun-soaked sky as the tide comes in, that "instant vacation" feeling that completely engulfs you the moment you spread your towel out across the sand. All of that is just fantastic. However, anything other feelings following up these initial moments of joy usually sound a little more like, "I hope I don't step on a crab....What about jellyfish? Do they even have those around here? If a jellyfish stung me, I'd just shoot myself. Is that a cracked beer bottle poking out of the sand? I wish I would've worn surf shoes rather than these flimsy flipflops. My pedicure is being sandblastd off of my feet right about now. Why don't older women ever wear appropriate swimwear? I should've lost like 20 lbs. before putting on anything resembling a bathing suit on this vacation. The sun is burning my flesh from the inside out. Are those umbrellas free or do I have to rent them? If those kids fling sand into my direction one more time, I'm going to go King Kong on that pile of trash they call a sandcastle. When's lunch?"
As you can see, my constant paranoia and general fear of life really gets in the way of my beach vacation experience. The only beaches I really can enjoy are colder, more picturesque ones like those dotting the hills of California and the completely man-made ones that Disney so lovingly provides me with on each of my Disney adventures.I feel, however, that I can honestly attribute my fear of the beach to a few brilliant moments of torture on various beaches throughout my life. For example, once, at a nearly-deserted beach in Santa Monica, as my family took amazing amounts of pictures along the shore, I decided to drift off on my own and "discover" the beauty of the beach. This lovely idea took a turn for the worst when I stumbled upon a middle-aged couple making sloppy, boxed-wine sex out in the open under a rock formation right infront of me. I ran away and never looked back. In another horrible beach scene, while slipping off my shoes and cooling off my feet in the waters of yet another Californian beach, my relaxation was halted by my mother screaming "You'll get feces all over you!" I almost started to laugh, until I realized that the public beach I had been enjoying had turned into the dump of the Los Angeles Waste Facilities and I, indeed, was wading through the waste of uncounted numbers of people, animals and everything in between. As if these two experiences weren't enough to quell any excitements I have about the beach, one time at Disney World, two women and one small boy were seperately attacked by alligators around beachfront areas in the surrounding Disney Resorts. Attacked....by alligators. You might as well just shoot yourself in the foot and hope for the best.

Luckily, my Gulf Shores adventure was completely devoid of any jellyfish, feces, gators or sexual sightings along the beach. However, I, in true paranoid fashion, chalk this luck up to my personal decision to spend as little time as possible on the beach and my fondness for the hotel pool that, while looking out on the beach, never touches the sand. Alas, I tried to run & and tried to hide, but, upon returning to Evansville and unpacking my clothes, I have come to the sad realization that everything in all of my luggage is covered in sand. Trying to vaccuum sand out of a suitcase seems like an unrealistic attempt at perfection, but I intend to try to out shortly, hoping for the best.
In the future, I think that, although this vacation was nice, I will stick to more man-made attractions and resort destinations. Nature might be considered "fun" and "relaxing" to some, but I have had hotel accomodations that felt like camping (cough, Moscow, cough) and I have yet to experience the excitement that so many people describe when truly "roughin' it." Psychologists have always said that people who experience fear and people who experience excitement actually have very similar physical reactions, but the only difference is their mental interpretations of these physical responses to stimuli. If this is the case, then I shudder to think of the person who, when seeing a deer on the side of the road, shrieks with delight and counts his lucky stars, while I sit in the passenger seat having heart palpitations and experiencing mild dysplasia. Regardless, from now on, I'm leaving the adventures to the adventurers and confining my vacations to conquering the ultimate air-conditioned, indoor arenas of adventure.

It's Been a Long Time...I Shouldn't've Left You w/o a Dope Blog to Obessively Read.

Just in case you didn't get that, it was a hilarious play on the lyrics of the classic Aalyiah (R.I.P.) song "Try Again." Because I'm back and I'm trying blogging again. Partly because it's summer and I have too much freetime without it and party because Liz awkwardly confessed to me a week ago that she sometimes still reads my old blogs when she's bored...and that creeped me out (in a flattered sort of way) so now I'm giving her some actually current reading material.

Summer has been...very summer-y with a few minor changes. At the beginning of the summer, I went on this health kick and refused my body any pleasures of the pallet. For laymen, this means I only ate health food (no Wendy's), only drank water (no booze or Diet Coke) and I walked 4 miles a day (it's harder than it sounds). Basically I was super-lame-o. I woke up around 10 every morning and went to sleep around 11 every night. A very un-Stephanie-ish thing to do, if you ask me. Then I lost like 10 lbs, got a job at Ann Taylor LOFT in the mall, started being social and much of my healthy lifestyle changed.

Working at the LOFT is a redunkulous experience because of a few key factors: a) hilarious shoplifters b) the "over 85" shoppers c) Asians.
a) First of all, the average person who comes into the LOFT is a 40 year old woman looking for the wardrobe for her life, which basically consists of sweater sets, business suits, cocktail dresses and high heels. Therefore, when three adolescent, inner-city girls come in and the one with a 2 ft. tall weave and a 4-inch long stab wound on her chest asks me if I have any more "of them black shorts" in the backroom, I tend to question her motives. "You mean our Marisa fit, casual-cut, dark-wash denim culotts?" I inquire. "No, we don't have any more of those." She looks defeated and stumbles around the front of the store with her cronies for a few more seconds, until one of them says "I think we'll just come back later," and leaves. I just find these shoplifters hilarious because I always picture shoplifters as sneaky, stealthy, Boris & Natasha-types who look like rich, Madison Ave. shoppers, yet are secretly stealing everything in your store-- not slighty ghetto, Long John Silver's employees who are attempting to steal crocheted tank tops and madras shorts from the LOFT. What are they even going to do with these once they steal them? Sell them to their friends? I don't so.
b) Every once & awhile, a little, old lady will stumble into the LOFT with her walker & smeared lipstick unknowingly. Every once of them is pretty much hilarious/ridiculous. The other day this slightly hefty, taller 80-year-old woman came panting into the store in her moo-moo & house slippers. She came unbearably close to me, breathing her Ensure-tainted breath into my face and asked "Do you carry bra-sized 38 clothing here?" I stepped back a few feet and explained that we carry up to a size 14 in the store and a 16 online. She creeped up closer, to the point where I could see streaks of pink lipstick on her yellow-stained teeth and said, "No, I mean, do you carry a size 38 bra in the store... Every since I was put on this new diabetes medication, I've gained a little weight and I need a bigger bra." I told her that we don't carry any kind of bras at all, to which she angrily responded, "Well then what DO you carry?!?" and huffed & puffed her way out of the store...Amazing.
Another lady, who is 96, comes into the store once a week. She's your typical cute, tiny, old lady and, while she never buys anything, she's kind of fun to talk to and just enjoys meandering around the store. So a few weeks ago, she came in, chatted up the people around the store, and then took some clothes into the fitting rooms to try them on. About 20 minutes later, I idlying walked back into the dressing rooms to check on a customer, when I turned to my left and, to my horror, the old lady was completely naked (only bra & panties), changing clothes with the door open! I was so freaked out by this massacre of flesh, wrinkles and bones, that I ran out of the dressing room without closing the door or saying a word. Being flashed by old people is one of those things I just don't think I should have to ever deal with.
c) Finally, Asians. I'm sure you're all wondering what HILARIOUS tales I have about Asians in Ann Taylor. Well, I don't, really. All I have to say is that Asian women LOVE Ann Taylor.

Well, all that blogging has worn me out & apparently I'm due to watch Pirates of the Carribean with my family tonight so I'd better go rest up. More blogs are sure to come soon...get excited.

Is It Really Over?

At this point, I am just completely finished with the whole idea of my blog. I mean, honestly, if you read it for the play-by-play of my life, you obviously need to hang out with me more so you can live it rather than reading it. And if you read it for the funny quips (and let's be honest, there are OH! so many of them), then just talk to me more. Because funny quips abound when you have a conversation with me. Well...honestly, a conversation with me AND Liz usually produces the most hilarious tidbits per capita. Yet I digress... But yeah, after reading other peoples' introspective/bullshit/wannabe Emily Dickinson/i'm so deep into myself/holier than thou nonsense, I realized that I shouldn't really be feeding into this mess of blogging if I think it's so dumb. It is true that sometimes, every once and awhile, some sort of lightbulb, Newton-esque moment hits one of us and being able to capture it on the internet is a good thing, I suppose, but for the most part, it's just babble in the brook. And with all of these blogs being simultaneously written, 24/7, nonstop, it just makes me wonder that if we're all here writing so feverishly, who is going to stop and read any of this? And if they do, does it really make a difference either way?
Regardless, after writing this, I'll probably continue writing my blog in true hypocrite fashion. I hate myspace, yet I'm still on it, so what's truly stopping me? On a closing note, listen to Jenny Lewis's new album, Rabbit Fur Coat. Sure, I still like her stuff with Rilo Kiley slightly more, but this is pretty great too. And read more e. e. cummings. He continues to amaze me with every poem I read. Because I'm a dork and I read poetry in my freetime and I like it.

Yeah, It's Been Over a Month. Deal With It.

So I was pretty much completely done with this blog all together until tonight. I was bored and like "Hmm, let's look back at my blog and see what I wrote last year at this time." And I just got completely sucked in. Completely. I kept reading these entires and they were so clever. I'm funny! Or at least, I used to be funny. Then I got sad that I haven't written anything in so long and so here I am. Back with a newfound respect for blogging, in all shapes and sizes.

It is currently 2 am and I would like to point out that the person who lives above me is making an awful lot of noise. And I'm not talking about Trip & Laura sexual noises. It's not a consistent pounding like a bed knocking around from too much sex. It's a sporadic, loud banging. It seriously sounds like the person above me is moving a piano around the room, unsure of it's ideal positioning. I just don't get it. The only acceptable loud noises past midnight are those incinuating sexual acts and this is why I refuse to sit idlly by while my neighbor above drags an 80 lb piece of furniture across the floor.

First semester of sophomore year is almost over which I find unbelievable. I feel like it's gone by very fast, yet very slow all at the same time. I mean, it seems like only yesterday when LizTaz brought over her toothbrush to Chabraja for the first time and spent the night on the floor with my body pillow. Yet, at the same time, remembering moments like when Liz had to prove our heterosexuality to Brian Sweeney or a time when our lives did not involve large, furry Russian hats seem so long ago that it's almost unreal.

Today I woke up with, surprise surprise, lymph nodes the size of balloons and a fever. Oh and I got my first migraine. Let's have a party, shall we? I slept all day and barely wanted to eat until Spike brought over some Peach sorbet. I don't know what it is about this sorbet but it's probably the most intoxicating, amazing experience you can ever have. That's right, I called it an experience. Because it's amazing splendour transcends that of normal food. Try the sorbet at the Hub and you'll have a life-changing experience. I'm sure of it.

We've had 2 meetings about going to Russia over Winter Term and so far, they've managed to make me more frightened and hesitant of Russia than anything else. Everything we read and hear about Russia talks about how they are "a pessimistic people" and "not known to smile or laugh except amoung the closest of friends." The guidebook even explained that optimistic Russians usually hide their views and pretend to be pessimistic in order to fit in with the culture. For the amount of alcohol that this nation consumes, I find it highly surprising that they are so depressed all the time. I'm also scared because I am a very optimistic and happy person. As is Liz. The question remains: Can 2 happy, peppy, young, American girls survive their stay in Russia, land of the pessimists? We shall see...

Now for something completely different. So it's 2 in the morning and of course, my mother is online. So we're chatting away as only a mother and daughter can and she's talking about Christmas, etc. The topic of me coming home comes up and we're discussing holiday plans and all of the sudden, she says, "I can't wait for the new year. I'm ready for a welcome change or two." So then I start talking about January and she goes, "Oh, I wasn't talking about the National Holiday of the New Year. I was talking about the Chinese New Year. You know, in February? I was reading about it today and I really think that this year is going to be THE year for me, according to the stars." All I could do was laugh. WIth everything changing around us, it's nice to know that some things will always stay the same. Namely, my mother and her crazy obsession with the Chinese horoscope culture.

Facebook...It's Kind of a Big Deal

I haven't posted in forever, but deal with it. However, today, while searching through various facebook groups at UE, I found probably one of the best things ever...Here it is. You're welcome.
Established in 2005 to create a more effective facebook. It has come to our attention that, despite facebook's increasing popularity, many students do not know how to use it properly. The following list is a set of guidelines:

1. Dont tell people who arent in facebook, about facebook.

2. Dont tell people who arent in facebook, about facebook.

3. You MUST have a picture. This is not thequestionmarkbook.

4. This picture should look like you. Using a picture in which you appear more attractive than you really are is misleading & leads to devastating disappointment.

5. You should be the only person in your picture. It's lovely that you have friends, but once again this is misleading, especially when they are incredibly hot & better looking.

6. Rule number 5 also includes having your pet in your picture. Just because your dog is cute doesn't mean that you are too.

7. Don't poke people. It's annoying.

8. Why are you drinking in your picture? It doesn't make you seem badass, we're in fucking college.

9. Are you really married? If not, don't put that down. Nobody will get with you.

10. Group participation is important. Don't join every group. Stay focused.

11. Obviously you check facebook every 5 minutes, so respond to your messages in a timely fashion. Chances are you're making the sender insecure. If trying to be aloof, wait 24 hours. Any longer than that is unnecessarily cruel.

12. Confirm all friend requests even if you have no idea who they are. Rejecting a friend is the ultimate facebook diss.

13. The library is a perfectly acceptable place to check facebook; don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

14. Don't edit your own wall--you look like a douche.

This is all very true and amazing. However, I have more amazing, incredible things to do in my totally full life than write on here, so that's all for now!

Sorry, Charlie

I haven't updated in about a month. The weird thing is that I really don't care. I enjoy reading other peoples' blogs but I just never get in the mood to really write anything. Sure a lot of funny/interesting/blogworthy stuff happens to me on a weekly basis, but I'm just kind of too lazy/focused on other things to actually take the time to sit down and write it all out.

Ryne and Bri are in Washington, D.C. protesting the war this weekend, so yeah, that's exciting. And Liz gave blood today which was amazing and I had to sit there and coach her through the entire process which was inspirational. Now she thinks she can take over the world or something. We shall see... haha While I did not give my blood, I aided the blood drive by charming the staff with my amazing wit and impeccable comedic timing and really, that's just as good as saving lives through blood, right?

This Wednesday, Liz and I slowdanced to "More Than Anyone" by Gavin DeGraw in my room together. It was kind of sporadic, which is the frightening part of it all. I turned the song on, we both started swaying and before you could say "losers," we were swaying back and forth in pure middle-schooler fashion like the cool kids that we are. Ryne opened the door and said, "I feel really uncomfortable with that." and walked away. Some people just don't get this whole "significant other" thing apparently.

If you're interested in listening to some new, good music, check out Oranger's new album, VHS or Beta's new album or "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt (haha I know, Blunt, funny, right?) That James Blunt song is probably the sweetest song I've ever heard ever. He puts John Mayer, Gavin DeGraw AND Jason Mraz to shame. He just does. Well, that's it for this post, people. Short, I know. But deal with it. I lead a full life and don't have time for these sorts of things so much.

When I see her dance, she look like she fuckin' herself.

These are the beautifully, poetic lyrics to Badd by the Ying Yang Twins and, noteably MIKE JONES! I love Mike Jones. He put his CELL PHONE NUMBER in the lyrics to his song. Like seriously, who does he think he is? Mike Jones, obviously. And just look at his name. He didn't even change it to something such as "Lil M-Wheezy" or "Big Bone Jones." No, he keeps his shit simple... just Mike Jones. I wanna marry someone with the last name Jones and name our child Mike.
On to other topics, DePauw is wild and crazy as ever. Well...correction. WE are wild & crazy as ever. (That meaning Ryne, Bri, Liz and myself.) On Friday, we pregamed for like 10 years and then went to SAE where we had a dance party and whatnot. Then, we wanted to leave for some reason and went to Humbert to harass Brandon, Sarah and all of those other crazy freshman. I felt like an evil upperclassman when I came in after smoking my only cigarette of the night and all the freshmen kept saying, "Do you smoke?? That's gross and bad for you..." So of course, I did what any drunk girl would do. I lied and said that I didn't smoke but was just around a lot of smokers at SAE. haha Lies, so great. Then, while walking out of Humbert, we noticed two lone freshman boys wandering around. We stumbled up to them and asked if they could kindly buy us some SoyMilk. So we all walked to the Hub, only to realize that it was very much closed. Bri was being SOO drunk and so we left her in the Hub and saddened, we decided to go to DU to continue this party. Alas, we were faced with a dillemma. Freshman aren't allowed in the fraternities yet. Whatever would we do? That is when we had a lightning bolt idea. We decided that one would pose as Liz's cousin from Mizzou and the other would pose as my cousin from IU. It worked beautifully except everyone kept asking my cousin what dorm he lived in. I was like, "Just say McNutt..." It worked pretty well until my cousin started making up embarassing stories about me from the childhood that we never experienced. "One day, we were at our grandma's house and she just tore off all of her clothes and started running around the backyard and no one could stop her. Yeah, she was like 10 years old, too." Ryne kept kiss-raping the poor freshmen, but you'll have that. Then it started pouring and we all walked back to my room, where Ryne ordered a GCB. She gave Liz half and Liz, drunkenly, began to eat it. I, for some reason, felt the need to scream "Nooooo Liz! You don't want that!" grabbed it out of her hand and put it away in the fridge. I saved her about 330 Calories that night. She should be eversothankful. Then everyone left except Ryne who passed out on the couch and Liz who took her usual sleepover position on my floor, with the body pillow and the quilt.
This feels like an appropriate point in my blog to bring up the issue of me & Liz. We have one class with eachother every single day, so you'd think that we really wouldn't feel the need to spend too much time together otherwise. Oh, how very wrong you are... We hang out ALL the TIME. For example, today we met up for class at 10, talked for 20 minutes after class, then, at 3:15, when I got out of class, Liz came over and we hung out for 2 hours. Then, at 9, when I got back from Wal-Mart, Liz came over again and we hung out til 11:30. We just have to hang out together. Otherwise we actually DO homework, go to sleep early and are productive. Don't worry, tomorrow we have a 2 hour class together, then we're eating lunch at Pi Phi, then we're buying Carrie's birthday cards, then going to kickboxing together and finally, going to Carrie's b-day bash. What do we do with all of our together time? Basically lay on my bed, eat pickles, talk about boys, listen to music. We're eachother's substitute boyfriends. And who doesn't want one of those, really?
So last night we went to the 'Bash to party it up since cops were like patrolling DPU's campus or something else equally disasterous. We pulled up at Phi Psi and let the fun begin. Bri and I were finally beer pong partners and what a pair we were. We paired up against "Toddsplosion" and kicked their asses. Then we drank a few rum & cokes and played Andrew and Liz. Let's just say, the alcohol took it's toll and we got beat like scrambled eggs. Then Bri and I took a campus tour with Toddsplosion and Johnny Tsunami. It was fabulous, I did the splits on the football field. No one really knows why. As we walked back, Johnny Tsunami was like "Whoa, who's that throwing eggs across the street at Beta?" So I turn around and yes....it's Briford. Amazing. She filled her shirt with eggs and just started throwing. Then events of the night start to run together/get fuzzy as they usually do. We basically just sat around, smoked pot and I played Oasis and got real excited, because I still hold some love for "What's the Story? (Morning Glory)" I mean, really, who doesn't? The next morning, Bri took off the sweatshirt she had stolen from Toddsplosion, only to reveal a tank top covered in what looked like the aftermath of a sexual conquest. Actually it was egg whites from her egg-throwing...or so she says.

"I want a rope ladder made out of hair."

Well, after many drunken/adventurous nights at U-E with Jaclyn and Buente, I'm back up at DePauw, getting ready to jump into my sophmore year like a gansta. My room is incredible and huge, so tonight, after spending hours in it, Ryne, Bri, Liz and I decided to just all move into it. Someone could sleep under my bed (I'm not kidding, you seriously could) someone could sleep on the rug and someone else could sleep in this nook above my closet. Liz suggested that perhaps she could sleep up there to which I said, "Sure, we'll even get you a little rope ladder." Immediately she responds, "I want a rope ladder made out of hair." We all just burst out laughing, I mean, seriously, how could you take someone seriously who says things like that?

As you can see, other than the hassle of picking whose house to meet at every day, not too much has changed so far from last year. On Sunday, Liz and I went out to eat at the Hub with Brandon and were all excited to eat at "our table." Um....our table is probably the farthest one away from all the other tables. It's just so sad and lonely and in this little corner, but we love it anyway. That night, we met up with Ryne and went to Sig Chi because they had RipTide (def. something I missed over the summer.) As we're all standing there, drinking our RipTide, chillin', people KEEP coming up to us and asking the obligatory "How was your summer?" Well, I kept telling everyone "You know...it was pretty much like rehab." Everyone kept dying laughing like it was SO funny, so Ryne, Liz and I decided that we all had to say it to everyone who asked us about our summers. As the drunken adventures continued, we looked around and realized that not much has changed in the past few months. It's just the same going out now as it was last year, except we're no longer "first-years." Thank God. We went to the bathroom one time during the night and I was drunk to say the least. Well, Ryne and Liz were in the bathroom and I was waiting when I noticed I was without a drink. I looked around, saw a half-empty cup of "riptide" sitting on the sink, and chugged it. Such a "you know you're drunk when..." situation. Then Liz, Abi and I went over to 404 Hanna, ate way too many potato chips and Liz and I had a sleepover in my room. The next morning, Liz's away message said something similar to this: "You know you're back at DePauw when...you are doing a walk of shame back from your best friend's house in the morning and you walk past a large group of prospectives and their parents while walking into your house." Oh, let the good times roll.

Monday was a busy day filled with Fine Print drama ("I refuse to learn how to paralell park ever!") only to be followed up with airport drama ("Maybe you should see a psychiatrist...") Picked up Samantha at the airport, went out to eat at Hank's for the first time ever with Bri who had finally moved in! Then it was Laguna Beach time and then out for another night of tom-foolery. First off to Phi Delt where we ran around looking for alcohol and then back to 404 for multitudes of Jello shots and hot freshman boys. Then I went back to my room assuming that I'd go to sleep, Liz called and said that her, Abi and Samantha were going to Wendy's and off I went for some midnight munchies (alas, Wendy's was closed so we ate at Taco Bell.)

Today was a sleep-in, do-nothing day, til around 2 when I went over to Kappa, swang on the porch, ran errands with the girls, got a pedicure, went to Almost Home and watched A Lot Like Love. Tomorrow's the first day of school and I'm not quite sure where I'm excited or not for it. I like being back at DePauw, but the idea of cramming for tests, writing endless papers and waking up at the crack of dawn. Liz and I have a class every day with eachother though, so you know that there will be lots of delirious laughter throughout my school week. And we ARE going to Wabash sometime soon and you know what THAT means... Let's just say, it's good to be back.

"Are you a Lifeguard?"

If people have been randomly asking me this question, then it means that I've obviously just gotten back from GULF SHORES '05! I never understand why people translate my brown skin as my pass to save lives by the pool. Last Thursday, I got up at 7 am and drove to St. Louis to meet Liz, where I performed duties as her resident secretary. "Stephanie, Call Butterz. " "Stephanie, Write down that address." We started off the adventure at the post office where Liz was getting her passport. The man asked her, "Are you over 18?" She replied, "Oh yeah...actually I'm 19. Well, 19 and a half, really. I'll be 20 in December. I'm old." Special times. Then we ate lunch with Jack Avery and Jim Larson, where Liz drew out a pictogram of our adventure for the rest of the day and we became unbearably spaztic. We went to Cingulair where we met "Ken" who was pretty much a hottie with a body and knew everyone by their first name. "Kraig, come here." "Huh?" (Hand placed in a cone over mouth) "COME HERE!" Then we went to Red Robin and Snobiz, watched Upside of Anger with Butterz and before we knew it were packed in the car with Ericka, Nikki, Emily and Ericka's mom driving off to Gulf Shores.
Every day of Gulf Shores was basically the same. We'd wake up at 9:30, be on the beach by 10 and lay there til about 4 pm. For a beach bum like me, it was glorious. The first night, we just made Hairy Navels (vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice and peach schnapps-soaked orange slices) and wandered the beach looking for fun things to do. The second night we ate at the Pink Pony and Emily & Liz's fake I.D.s got terribly denied. Then we went to Florabama which is a bar/club that's right on the border of Florida and Alamaba (hence the name). We accidentally walked through the wedding party entrance so we didn't have to pay a cover charge and didn't have to show I.D.s which meant I was 21 for the night. Some 35 year old balding man hit on Liz and said that Ericka, Emily and Liz all looked married, but I looked single... We met like 8,000 HOT sailors which was glorious. Fernando was by far the hottest of the pack. Emily made the quote of the trip by saying, "Hey, did you see that girl making out with ALL of those sailors?" We said, "Yeah, who was it?" To which she replied, "Me!" I met a bunch of boys from MSU and ended up bonding over Tom Goes To The Mayor with some guy and drinking an obscene amount of vodka tonics. Then, in a drunken haze, I declared that I was going to take a short nap on the stairs... Let's just say, I woke up in bed with all of my clothes on from that night. When you're drunk, pajamas just don't really matter. The next day, Liz and I woke up totally hungover, but decided to send out our postcards. I asked where we were going to mail them. "I'm sure some hotel around here has a postbox." said Liz. "You mean a mailbox?" I replied. And off we went. We ended up staggering in the blistering heat down a highway frantically searching for a mailbox in our bikinis, carrying various sorts of beach equipment. We had a mirage at one point, thought we saw a beautiful, tall, green hotel with tons of cars in the parking lot, but, under closer inspection, it was actually a condemned building complete with boarded up windows, stagnant pools of water and grafitti covering the walls. After awhile we finally found a grocery store, mailed our precious postcards and then, while we ran across the highway back to the beach like illegal aliens, we realized that it was Sunday and the postcards wouldn't get mailed til the next day anway... That night we stayed in and played drinking games. The next day was our last day on the beach so we made the most of it and then went to Tacky Jack's for dinner which was soo good. Then we roamed the beach and came upon a beach party. We met these guys from St. Louis which is ironic since we were about 12 hours away and met people who already knew Ericka, Emily and Liz. The car ride home was filled with tom-foolery mainly from Liz and myself. "That's SO Raven!" "That's SO not Raven!" Once we got back to Eureka, we went to Smokey's bar, drank a vodka tonic or two and participated in Karaoke Night. I sang "I've Got Friends In Low Place" and "Piano Man." There's just something about singing "Piano Man" that makes any night worthwhile. The next day, Liz and I ate lunch with her mom in DogTown at Chuy's and I drove back.
Sounds like a wild trip, right? Sounds like I was ready to go home and sleep? Right. Alas, I had to get up the next morning at 8 am to leave for Columbus, OH with Jill for the Ben Folds/Rufus Wainwright concert. We were both exhausted from our vacations, but we plugged on. When we came to Cincinatti we both started smiling like idiots because it's actually a real, kind of big city. Who knew? Then we drove to Grove City, where we stayed. The concert was really cool and we sat on the lawn, but it was a tiny venue so we had good seats. There were tons of crazy drunken people, but the biggest highlight was hearing Rufus Wainwright live. His voice is incredible. AND we saw a girl who looked EXACTLY like an anorexic version of my sister!!! We couldn't stop staring at her. It was nuts. As the concert wore on and it got later and later, the crowd became drunker and drunker, stumbling along to pretty much any song whether they knew it or not. There were two guys who kept dancing with eachother, groping eachother and pretty much doing almost everything but have sex. Ironically, this is not the first concert I've been at where there were men making out with eachother. You will never guess where the first one was. 98 Degrees. I know, shocking. From 98 Degrees to this, what a trip it's been.
Oh, and by the way, BEST FRIENDS ARE GREAT!